A DAUGHTER’S LOVE…
So today is the day of my birth.
The day I was separated from my mother.
And father. A musician.
Immediately after I was born.
(SHEESH, they don’t even do that to kittens!)
No pink ribbons and balloons for me 🙁
Just pure sadness all round.
I’m sure most people would agree that’s a pretty crap way to start a life.
I am a love child of the 70’s.
My unmarried parents fell pregnant with me, travelled the depth and breadth of the country and relinquished me in the north, because, due to society’s expectations at the time, they had zero options to keep me.
A beautiful adoptive family gave me the gift of endless love.
Today is the day I was destined to have my identity changed forever via a brand new (false) ‘birth certificate.’ A child’s identity is paramount to who they are and where they come from so to have this meddled with is emotionally violating.
Therefore, today is the day I was destined not to know my name for the next 24 years.
Today is the day I was denied the generally accepted privilege and right of knowing my medical history for my entire chidhood.
Today is the day I (and my children and their children’s children) were destined to being legally severed (amputated) from our family tree, heritage, ancestry and family of origin.
From this day forward I would not have any genetic markers in my childhood. No-one I remotely resembled, no mirroring to help me create my self image and sense of self.
Today is the day I was destined to having a contract signed on my behalf, without my consent, that I am bound to for life and all eternity. Surely there is a way I can be related to ALL my families, adopted and biological.
Today is the day I would never know where I was for an entire month of my life. If I was safe.
Today is the day my hospital records would be changed with big black marks to make me someone else, ‘as if born into’.
Not to mention the trauma babies experience as a result of maternal separation (Google that!)
From this day forward I would be expected to be grateful for all of this!
And, yes, I am grateful that my amazing family took it upon themselves to love and adore me. Yes I am grateful for the relationships I have with these incredible people. And yes I am grateful that I have lived the life I have lived and had the wonderful opportunity to finally connect with my natural family. It’s a little bit like Sliding Doors. I am living this story but I could just have easily been experiencing another story. The story most people get to live. This is quite disconcerting at times and difficult to grasp, if I’m truly honest.
This is no-ones ‘fault’ I don’t blame anyone in particular. Everyone concerned did what they thought was best at the time.
However, I do blame ADOPTION.
Adoption is an archaic, draconian institution that desperately needs to be reformed. Yes, some babies and children need care. Yes they need love. Yes they need support. What they don’t need is to be legally severed from their families of origin for all eternity so that future generations will not know we even existed in the blood line!!!
Obviously this is a very personal story and one that is difficult to share. As I’m sure you can imagine there is a lot of shame around being adopted.
There are also a lot of jokes about us.